teacher asks 2 kids to explain meaning of the word contagious,1st one says my brother has swine flu hes contagious,very good says teacher,2nd one says when morgan took over at kr my dad said it will take that contagious to win any trophies

be quicker than Agar though!

i got it about agar but didnt find it funny so i changed it

mick and paddy reading head stones near a church,mick says fu-k theres a bloke here who was 152,paddy says what was his surname?mick says it was miles from london.

Honestly!some people will take offence at anything!i met a bloke with no legs at the bus stop this morning and all i said was....



how you getting on

After having a nice 69 with his wife, Brian remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid the dentist would notice the smell of fannie on his breath so he brushed his teethed, flossed and had a swig of Listerine.

As he arrived at the dentist, he ate a packet of extra strong mints, just to make sure.

His turn came up and he took a seat in the dentist chair, feeling confident and relaxed he opened his mouth wide, the dentist got close and said "did u have a 69 before u came here”?

Brian says " how do u know? does my breath smell like fannie?"

the dentist replied " no , you have a skidmark on your forehead"

When asked if he preferred legs or breast, paddy said he had a particular fondness for shaved fannies. He was informed this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.

Saw a rovers supporter drowning in the river Humber, So i contacted the emergency services. I hope they saved him, otherwise i would be a waste of a second class stamp.

quality

My wife just found ou she was adopted. She was devastated, and kept asking, why didnt they want me? I took her in my arms and comforted her. After a while still crying she kissed me and asked me to make love to her. In hindsight , taking her passionately from behind, shouting "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! wasnt a good idea.