08.25 train for me I think, straight into Wetherspoons Huddersfield for opening time. I shall then go to Gasworks on the way to the ground, go to the game, dive back in there after the game to cheer on Derby, and then head home about 1am after a kebab I presume.

Bet G1 will be in Ricky's.

Excellent. Wont be seeing you either

In Ricky's what?



Oh you mean the drinking establishment and not the poster known as Cala Millor Rhino.



I'm meeting up with Donkey O'tay and am going to chicken wing him/her.

You will if I streak

Enter him in the hole (AKA the pub)



Thought that low-end rough titty-bar would have the desired effect for you.



Don't forget to pull 'its' arms off.

Nah, I'm into the high end/supermodel escorts these days.



Just the other night I had this lovely Nubian one, high profile with a bit of a temper. I had no cash so I gave her a lovely Diamond from Sierra Leone. Keep it hush tho'

Sounds wonderful, so romantic.



The high end ones take a minimum booking of 2 hours (so I've heard) does that represent good value for money with the time it takes you to be done?

OH Scheissen does that mean they will close the station Wetherspoons as they usually do when United are at home, very bad timing where are all the scantily clad young ladies going to go for their cheap drinks before their big night out and does this mean I have to walk further than the 100 yards from the train to the bar and back to the train to charge up my leer goggles

Going by train this time - I know its public transport and what the poor usually use but everyone wants a drink or two and no-one was prepared to drive so options are limited.



Do trains have waitress service?

Transpennine have a trolley service. Doubt it'll have reached you by Huddersfield though. Just take your own tinnies on

Is there a corkage charge?